Why So Serious?
As I discussed in the previous post Take Yourself Seriously, it's very important to have a high view of yourself and to take care of yourself holistically. The aspects I highlighted were: knowing yourself, taking care of your mind, body and spirit and taking the necessary steps to reach your goals. By doing this you not only honour your sovereignty, but also align your life to be the best version of yourself.
Although we are incredible individuals with limitless potential, we must realise that we share our space with others. In the words of the English poet, John Donne: "No man is an island". In this post, we will look at the benefits of tempering the view of oneself in the context of others and the greater universe.
To start us off, what does it mean to take oneself too seriously? Well, it's always easier to diagnose a problem by its symptoms, so here are some signs that you might be taking yourself too seriously:
1. You always defend yourself
The world might seem hostile so you have to defend your territory, beliefs and perspectives. Increase your self confidence to view the world as friendly.
2. You shut others out
Sometimes you need to take time out alone for your mental health, but too much can be a sign of self-focus and can interfere with your overall health. Social connection has amazing health benefits.
3. You chase goals to feel happy
As I mentioned in my post: Take Yourself Seriously, setting and achieving your goals can have an amazing effect on your life. The problem arises when goal-chasing becomes your only source of joy. Take time to enjoy the present moment and the important things in life like family and health.
4. You always compare yourself to others
A 'me-vs-them' mentality breeds many negative emotions such as bitterness and shame. You are unique for a reason, learn to love your life and develop it for your good.
5. You are too hard on yourself
You know you are too serious if you feel you need to work yourself to the bone to be better than everyone else. The root of this feeling might be inadequacy or fear of failure. Examine this and give yourself a break.
6. You can't laugh at yourself
Do you get upset when someone pokes fun at you? You might be too serious. Self confidence shines in the face of friendly teasing and others will respect you for it.
7. You try control everything
Too many things (and people) are out of our control. Trying to control them indicates a sense of fear and lack of awareness. Let them go and lower your stress.
8. It's all about you
An inflated ego is too concerned about it's appearance and not concerned enough about others. Give a little grace to others and realise that they are just as nuanced and important as you.
9. You can't give compliments
There is a difference between flattery and encouragement. Building others up shows the strength of your character and a care for others.
10. You are not grateful
Being grateful means not taking things and others for granted, but appreciating them. Exercising gratitude can lower your ego and open your perspective the wider universe you live in.
If one or more of these made you squirm a little in your seat, then that's a good place to start looking into how to develop those parts of your personality. In the next sessions, we discuss other important aspects of not taking yourself too seriously.
Self Care vs Self Centeredness
There is a line between self-care and self-centeredness. On the one hand, it is important to put your mental health first in the face of social and work pressure. On the other hand, always putting yourself first can come across as selfish. So where do we draw the line?
Self Care
• Setting boundaries against things that drain your energy or cause you pain or illness.
• Investing in things that serve their purpose and help you accomplish your goals
• Meeting your physical, mental and emotional needs so you can be available to those you care about
Self Centeredness
• Placing your own pleasure or convenience above others' pain.
• Blowing your budget to maintain an appearance
• Creating unhealthy social disconnects and superiority over others that can lead to a lack of support and stability.
Small But Significant
Another important aspect of not taking yourself seriously is realising where you fit in the context of everything and everyone else. The universe is an astonishingly large place. With trillions of galaxies, each with billions of star systems and millions of planets considering the universe should leave one with a sense of awe and humility.
Astronomer and science communicator, Carl Sagan, put it best when he said in his 1994 book, Pale Blue Dot: "Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light." The Pale Blue Dot obviously referring to the bottom image of Earth taken 6 billion kilometers from the sun by the Voyager 1 space probe. At this perspective, taking yourself too seriously is laughable as our squabbles and self-importance seem so tiny in the grand scheme of things.
Pale Blue Dot by NASA Voyager 1
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We may be tiny in comparison to the universe, but significance is relative. Consider the billions of cells that make up your body. They function completely oblivious of the entity that is 'you'. Indeed they are miniscule in size, but the role they play to keep you in homeostasis and alive is massive. Have you ever thought that maybe we are the cells of the living universe?
It's often easy to think of ourselves as this fully-realised, nuanced and 3-dimensional person. We do this while viewing others as lesser-than objects to be used for our benefit or quickly overcome as hurdles in our way. The fact is that everyone is on their own journey. They are important as you and deserving of full respect and consideration. Therefore the golden rule applies here to: "Treat others as you would have them treat you".
Give Yourself a Break
An aspect of not taking yourself seriously is to give yourself a break. Modern life demands so much of us that we can be highly pressured to perform and play our various roles each day. Self-importance can lead us to think that the whole world rests on our shoulders and in most times, it doesn't. So why not get out of your head? Take a moment to give yourself a little freedom from responsibilities, forgiveness for the mistakes made and gratitude for the milestones accomplished thus far. Why not? You deserve it.
Take Home Message
Lastly, you don't have to box yourself in a human construct of what others tell you to be. Be free to change your mind as you grow and learn more about yourself and the world. It's important to take yourself seriously, but not too seriously. In the famous words of Bruce Lee: "Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup... Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."